In recent years, various outlets have reported an ongoing loneliness epidemic. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, half of the people in the United States reported experiencing loneliness. Younger Americans, between the ages of 18 and 24, are feeling it more than others, with nearly 80% of young adults reporting loneliness. In many cases, articles reference “male loneliness,” suggesting that socialization trends vary by gender—which is not entirely accurate. According to a recent Pew survey, 16 percent of men and 15 percent of women say they’re lonely all or most of the time. Despite general trends, when it comes to men, contributing factors are becoming more evident. Specifically, there is a rift in the United States among households, schools, mentors, and coaches about the definition of masculinity.
On one hand, you have traditionalists who encourage stoicism, strength, and acceptance of adversity (i.e., “be a man”). On the other, young men are being encouraged to accept their emotions, be vulnerable, and seek conversations about their mental health with friends, significant others, and mentors. Nevertheless, one characteristic remains true: men are less likely to seek psychological care, opting to allow emotional wounds to fester.
As a young man who has navigated conflicting models of manhood, I can see that both characterizations have benefits and risks. In either approach, men are being encouraged to engage in practices that make it more challenging to socialize. Whether it’s misogynistic movements circulating through TikTok algorithms or sensitive outlooks that challenge traditional masculinity, American men are experiencing immense confusion amid a changing culture. However, according to Psychology Today, gender alone is not a determinant of loneliness. Furthermore, the male loneliness “epidemic” is not a new trend; statistics show that men have struggled with addiction and suicide—traditional markers of loneliness—at alarming rates for decades.
While the idea that men are struggling more than women is statistically inaccurate, changes in American culture remain concerning for young men—particularly those who lack a father figure, have lost a loved one, or struggle socially. In these cases, many young men find social comfort online, where toxic representations of masculinity often manifest. Within these communities, young men find role models in the leaders of social movements, for instance, Andrew Tate or Charlie Kirk. When these influencers come under social pressure for inflammatory comments, it is plausible that many men feel even more misunderstood and alienated by society than before.
However, it works both ways. In many cases, women are struggling to socialize with men due to the prevalence of toxic masculinity and misogyny. In other words, women often feel surrounded by problematic or potentially dangerous men. As a result, more women are finding comfort in spending time alone or with their girlfriends. Amid the growing rift between genders, however, there is a possibility for incremental changes which encourage healthy socialization habits.
The Outlet Pass
The modern prevalence of loneliness highlights a deeper issue: the erosion of community settings and genuine face-to-face connection among young people. Rebuilding that sense of belonging requires finding spaces where individuals can develop trust, empathy, and mutual respect—few avenues offer that better than athletics. Despite societal pressures, when people play sports, they learn how to build support networks, earn trust, and work alongside others to achieve a collective goal.
It may sound cliché, but in my experience, teammates have served as a support network during particularly trying times in my life. Even after my playing career, I find myself calling a former teammate, meeting for a beer, or simply laughing at an old video in a group chat. To be clear, it doesn’t have to be a team sport, but the message is straightforward: we need to get people off their phones and into group settings that push them to be uncomfortable, accept adversity, handle rejection, and celebrate shared success.
Social skills developed through team settings are perhaps more important than ever. The daily barrage of less-than-favorable headlines, lies, and flat-out meanness have eroded Americans’ trust in just about everything. Sports offer a unique, low-stakes opportunity to rebuild those skills. Through shared experiences, struggles, failure, embarrassment, and success, team sports develop social skills which translate seamlessly to society.
At the very least, Americans need to exercise. Studies show that something as simple as lacing up your shoes and running the neighborhood may help treat depression as effectively as psychological therapy. For men, this is especially important, as exercise provides an outlet with healthy emotional effects without the challenges of gender norms associated with traditional talk therapy. Furthermore, exercise is extremely accessible—even if someone isn’t interested in team sports, they can work out just about anywhere.
Conclusion
By and large, there’s room for much more acceptance and understanding in America. Not everything is a political issue, and to be honest, empathy is the great equalizer. Rather than challenging everything you see throughout a given day, try to understand where someone is coming from or what they may be struggling with—you may even find that you agree on a few things. The political polarization of modern America has poisoned its social being, but fear, hate, and insults are not the antidote. Nobody can understand everything about a given topic or person, but at the least we can try. If we really want to make America great again, let’s make empathy cool again, and leave fewer neighbors behind while we are at it.
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